Anonymous poet No.6

FLIGHT TO JAPAN

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said this big bird can fly

When do you think we will be there?

We can’t get off in the air.

 

.

Packed like sardines in a can

In this big hibiscus van

As we wing off through the sky

Japanese staff are nearby.

.

 

 

 

 

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly
When	do	you	think	we	will	be	there
We	can’t	get	off	in	the	air
Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	this	big	hi	bis	cus	van
As	we	wing	off	through	the	sky
Ja	pan	ese	staff	are	near	by

 

 

 

I think I’ll break this one down into its rhyming couplets.

 

When I first read this I paused after ‘bump’ which threw out the second line.

 

 

This is how I read it…

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	~	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly

 

And I wanted to change the second line to…

 

Who

was

it

said

this

bird

can

fly

 

Bumpity bump; through the sky

Who was it said, this bird can fly

 

If we read it without the pause we get…

 

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly

 

however some people will want to stress the word ‘said’ rather than ‘who’ I know I do. I’d prefer to say…

 

Who

said

that

this

big

bird

can

fly

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

 

Next couplet…

 

When	do	you	think	we	will	be	there
We	can’t	get	off	in	the	air

 

 

So to keep with the meter I would suggest

 

	When	do	you	think	we’ll	be	there
We	can’t	dis	em	bark	in	the	air

 

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

 

Next couplet…

 

Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	this	big	hi	bis	cus	van

 

To use the word hibiscus we need to fit it here…

 

Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
		hi	bis	cus

 

So…

 

	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	se	dan

 

Hmmmm – not sure about a hibiscus sedan. Maybe try changing the first line.

 

	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	flan
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	tin	can

 

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

 

Moving on…

 

As	we	wing	off	through	the	sky
Ja	pan	ese	staff	are	near	by

 

 

 

	Soar	ing	a	round	in	the	sky
With	Jap	an	ese	staff	stand	ing	by

 

So we now have…

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

Soaring around in the sky

With Japanese staff standing by

 

 

If we now insert this into a syllable grid we get…

 

 

	Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	that	this	big	bird	can	fly
	When	do	you	think	we’ll	be	there
We	can’t	dis	em	bark	in	the	air
	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	flan
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	tin	can
	Soar	ing	a	round	in	the	sky
With	Ja	pan	ese	staff	stand	ing	by

 

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 6. My e-book is on its way.