Some live in houses, and some live in huts.
Some carry water and some gather nuts.
Each child is different yet all are the same.
With dreams of a future while still playing games.
.
Children are the same from their head to their toes
Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.
Some children dance and sway with the breeze
While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.
I’ll work on this is two parts.
First part…
| Some | live | in | hous | es | and | some | live | in | huts | |
| Some | carr | y | wa | ter | and | some | gath | er | nuts | |
| Each | child | is | differ | ent | yet | all | are | the | same | |
| With | dreams | of | a | fut | ure | while | still | play | ing | games |
No problem with meter in this first verse. As you can see there is a consistent pattern – one stressed syllable and two unstressed syllables. My only comment is with line 4 where some folk will want to place a stress on the first syllable PLAYing. To avoid this possible trip up point I would suggest…
| They | dream | of | a | fut | ure | while | play | ing | with | games |
Not perfect but just trying to demonstrate that it is preferable to use word stress in its natural state as this is how the average reader will read it.
Also you’ll note that I’ve split the word ‘different’ into two syllables rather than three. This is because that is how most people pronounce it. Not too many say diff-er-ent – of course some will and they will trip here.
Second part…
Children are the same from their head to their toes
Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.
Some children dance and sway with the breeze
While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.
| Chil | dren | are | the | same | from | their | head | to | their | toes | |
| Just | differ | ent | col | oured | skin | and | shape | of | their | nose | |
| Some | chil | dren | dance | and | sway | with | the | breeze | |||
| While | oth | ers | like | to | tuss | le | and | climb | up | the | trees |
You can see that this verse is a little less structured which is jarring after reading the first verse. I would suggest…
| Kids | are | the | same | from | their | head | to | their | toes | |
| Their | skin | chang | ing | shade | with | the | shape | of | their | nose |
| Some | child | ren | dance | as | they | sway | with | the | breeze | |
| While | oth | ers | like | tuss | ling | and | climb | ing | up | trees |
Thank you Anonymous poet No. 7. I’ll be sending you a copy of my e-book “How to write Rhyme like the Experts”.
