Anonymous poet No. 8

Humpty Dumpty

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When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he asked his hard-boiled mum
“Why didn’t you boil me longer,
so if I broke I wouldn’t run?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As you can see Anonymous poet No. 8 is also a very talented illustrator.

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Inserted into a syllable grid we have…

 

 

 

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When	Hump	ty	Dum	ty	was	a	boy
he	asked	his	hard	boiled	mum
Why	did	n’t	you	boil	me	long	er
so	if	I	broke	I	would	n’t	run

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The first two lines read smoothly with a consistent iambic meter.

The second two, not so smooth. I would suggest…

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When	Hump	ty	Dum	ty	was	a	boy
he	told	his	hard	boiled	mum
You	should	have	boiled	me	long	er
	Now	I’m	broke	and	on	the	run

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I’ve been a bit cheeky here but I couldn’t resist..

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When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he told his hard-boiled mum
“You should have boiled me longer;
now I’m broke, and on the run!”

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Thank you Anonymous poet No. 8 please expect my e-book shortly.

Anonymous poet No. 4

Jingle Stupid Bells (About a little black cat who thinks he’s a panther.)

Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright…
Ha! I’m the panther in the night.
With tigers Blake was surely taken
But by Bastet, he was mistaken.

Panthers are by far superior
Than all the old tiger hysteria.

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Okay – so I had to do a little research after I read this and will pass on what I learned. This is probably common knowledge but I’ll include it just in case. William Blake wrote a poem ‘The Tiger’ in 1794 that begins…Tiger, tiger, burning bright… And Bastet is the Egyptian cat-headed goddess and I think we all know what panthers are.

Now I’m a bit of a stickler when it comes to writing parodies. What makes a parody of a poem work is the ability of the author to stick strictly to the original meter. If you are going to begin your poem with such a famous line then I would expect the rest of the poem to continue in the same fashion. So let’s see how true this one is.

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Here’s the original…

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	Ti	ger	ti	ger	burn	ing	bright
	In	the	for	ests	of	the	night
	What	im	mor	tal	hand	or	eye
Could	frame	thy	fear	ful	sym	me	try

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The meter is trochaic (mostly) – a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable with the final foot missing its unstressed mate. In fancy terms this final foot is catalectic.

It is written in rhyming couplets and each stanza or verse has four lines (a quatrain). So the rhyming pattern is AABB

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	Ti	ger	ti	ger	burn	ing	bright
Ha	I’m	the	pan	ther	in	the	night
With	ti	gers	Blake	was	sure	ly	tak	en
But	by	Bas	tet	he	was	mis	tak	en

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Anonymous poet No. 4’s verse is pretty similar with a few exceptions. You’ll note I’ve omitted the last two lines for an easier comparison.

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Line by line edit…

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Line 1

No problems there.

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Line 2

Personally I would recommend removing the “Ha”. I don’t think it adds anything and I found it a bit jarring, wanting to begin the line with a stressed syllable. The rest of the line is good.

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Line 3

Being the stickler I want to begin the line with a stressed syllable so maybe…

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Blake

with

ti

gers

he

was

tak

en

 

Line 4

 

But

by

Bas

tet

he

was

mis

tak

en

From my understanding the author is saying that Bastet prefers panthers to tigers. I’m happy to start the line with an unstressed syllable because Blake has done just that. But two unstressed syllables, no. In fact the meter falls apart in this last line and it is a bit difficult to understand. Using the pronoun ‘he’ is confusing. Who is the ‘he’ referring to, Blake or Bastet? Remembering that not everyone will know who Bastet is. So then I might suggest…

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But

Bas

tet

vows

that

Blake’s

mis

tak

en

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Lines 5 & 6

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Panthers are by far superior
Than all the old tiger hysteria.

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	Pan	thers	are	by	far	su	per	i	or
Than	all	the	old	ti	ger	hys	ter	i	a
	Pan	thers	are	su	per	i	or
To	ti	ger	myth	hys	ter	i	a

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And so…

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Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright

I’m the panther in the night

Blake with tigers, he was taken

But Bastet vows that Blake’s mistaken.

Panthers are superior

To tiger myth hysteria

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No 4. Your e-book is on its way.