Writing in Rhyme Tip 4 – The Anapaest

Last time I talked about a type of meter called the IAMB.

Today I am going to talk about the ANAPAEST.

To use ‘dancing’ as a metaphor for meter, the iamb might be likened to a march da DUM, da DUM, da DUM, etc where the anapaest would be a waltz da da DUM, da da DUM, da da DUM, da da DUM.

Seuss was particularly fond of this type of meter and many of his verse stories are written this way.

The first story in Dr. Seuss’ Book of Bedtime Stories is called Dr. Seuss’ Sleep Book. Here is the first verse.

 

 

 

The news just came in

From the County of Keck

That a very small bug

By the name of Van Vleck

Is yawning so wide

You can see down his neck.

 

When we pop this into a syllable grid here’s what we can see..

 

	The	news	just	came	in	from	the	Coun	ty	of	Keck
That	a	ve	ry	small	bug	by	the	name	of	Van	Vleck
	Is	yaw	ning	so	wide	you	can	see	down	his	neck

 

And here’s the first verse from Horton Hears a Who!

 

On the fifteenth of May in the Jungle of Nool

In the heat of the day in the cool of the Pool

He was splashing…enjoying the jungle’s great joys…

When Horton the elephant heard a small noise

 

On	the	fif	teenth	of	May	in	the	Jun	gle	of	Nool
In	the	heat	of	the	day	in	the	cool	of	the	Pool
He	was	splash	ing	en	joy	ing	the	jun	gle’s	great	joys
	When	Hor	ton	the	el	e	phant	heard	a	small	noise

 

As you can see, the pattern is quite distinct. Each line contains 4 stressed syllables separated by two unstressed ones.

In the last line we’re introduced to Horton the elephant. Here are some other characters that would fit the meter…

 

Shirley the crocodile

Martin the Terrier

Freddy the butterfly

 

Here are some that don’t…

 

Frank the mongoose

Jacqueline the chook

Marmaduke the Great White Shark

 

And here’s why…

 

Shirley the crocodile

Martin the terrier

Freddy the butterfly

 

When	Shir	ley	the	croc	o	dile	heard	a	small	noise
When	Mar	tin	the	te	rri	er	heard	a	small	noise
When	Fre	ddy	the	butt	er	fly	heard	a	small	noise

 

Frank the mongoose

Jacqueline the chook

Marmaduke the Great White Shark

 

When	Hor	ton	the	el	e	phant	heard	a	small	noise
When	Frank	the	mon	goose	heard	a	small	noise
When	Jac	que	line	the	chook	heard	a	small	noise
When	Mar	ma	duke	the	Great	White	Shark	heard	a	small	noise

 

If I really wanted to use the name Jacqueline this is how I could do it and stay true to the meter…

 

When Jacqueline chicken perceived a small noise.

 

When	Hor	ton	the	el	e	phant	heard	a	small	noise
When	Jac	que	line	chick	en	per	ceived	a	small	noise

 

Okay I’ll leave it there.

 

Happy rhyming

 

NEVER GIVE UP

Every week in PASS IT ON I hunt down an inspirational quote. Last week I included a quote by Harriett Beecher Stowe who wrote Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

Earlier that day, so last Monday (25th June) I received my copy of The School Magazine (Orbit) that contained a poem of mine called The Crows.

This poem had been accepted for publication five years ago, and while I hadn’t forgotten about it completely, it certainly wasn’t something that was on my mind and so came as a lovely suprise when it finally did arrive, rekindling that spark that I felt was beginning to fade. I think this is why I chose that particular quote because it really resonated with me and helped me to remember why I write in the first place, because I love playing with words, I love their sounds, their shapes, their ability to stir up emotions, their musicality, their beauty and their power.

As you know, earlier this year I received a Maurice Saxby Mentorship. I received this mentorship for one reason only – I applied for one. If I hadn’t applied I would have had no chance at all. I read another quote the other day, not sure who said it but it went something like…

To increase your success rate you must double your failure rate.

This is something that I think I had forgotten until quite recently. Appying for the mentorship was the first challenge I’d set myself in a long time. I’d been resting on my laurels, content with past successes yet knowing that I needed to take the next step if I was ever to realize my dream.

Another quote that comes to mind…

Nothing succeeds like success.

Which brings me to why I have written this post titled NEVER GIVE UP.

On Tuesday 26th June, I received a phone call. THE phone call. The one that we writers all dream of receiving one day. The one that takes your breath away, that puts jelly in your legs and tears in your eyes. The one that makes you so, so glad that you never gave up. THAT phone call.

And now I can call myself author!

So if any of you reading this have found yourself feeling less than enthusiastic about the direction in which your writing is going – step outside your comfort zone, do something different, something new, something scary. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable, allow yourself to fail but whatever you do… DON’T EVER, EVER, EVER GIVE UP!!

Anonymous poet No. 8

Humpty Dumpty

.

When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he asked his hard-boiled mum
“Why didn’t you boil me longer,
so if I broke I wouldn’t run?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

As you can see Anonymous poet No. 8 is also a very talented illustrator.

.

Inserted into a syllable grid we have…

 

 

 

.

.

When	Hump	ty	Dum	ty	was	a	boy
he	asked	his	hard	boiled	mum
Why	did	n’t	you	boil	me	long	er
so	if	I	broke	I	would	n’t	run

.

The first two lines read smoothly with a consistent iambic meter.

The second two, not so smooth. I would suggest…

.

When	Hump	ty	Dum	ty	was	a	boy
he	told	his	hard	boiled	mum
You	should	have	boiled	me	long	er
	Now	I’m	broke	and	on	the	run

.

I’ve been a bit cheeky here but I couldn’t resist..

.

When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he told his hard-boiled mum
“You should have boiled me longer;
now I’m broke, and on the run!”

.

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 8 please expect my e-book shortly.

Anonymous poet No. 7

Some live in houses, and some live in huts.

Some carry water and some gather nuts.

Each child is different yet all are the same.

With dreams of a future while still playing games.

 

 

.

 

Children are the same from their head to their toes

Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.

Some children dance and sway with the breeze

While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.

 

 

 

I’ll work on this is two parts.

 

 

First part…

 

 

 

	Some	live	in	hous	es	and	some	live	in	huts
	Some	carr	y	wa	ter	and	some	gath	er	nuts
	Each	child	is	differ	ent	yet	all	are	the	same
With	dreams	of	a	fut	ure	while	still	play	ing	games

 

 

No problem with meter in this first verse. As you can see there is a consistent pattern – one stressed syllable and two unstressed syllables. My only comment is with line 4 where some folk will want to place a stress on the first syllable PLAYing. To avoid this possible trip up point I would suggest…

 

 

They

dream

of

a

fut

ure

while

play

ing

with

games

 

 

Not perfect but just trying to demonstrate that it is preferable to use word stress in its natural state as this is how the average reader will read it.

 

Also you’ll note that I’ve split the word ‘different’ into two syllables rather than three. This is because that is how most people pronounce it. Not too many say diff-er-ent – of course some will and they will trip here.

Second part…

 

 

Children are the same from their head to their toes

Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.

Some children dance and sway with the breeze

While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.

 

 

Chil	dren	are	the	same	from	their	head	to	their	toes
Just	differ	ent	col	oured	skin	and	shape	of	their	nose
Some	chil	dren	dance	and	sway	with	the	breeze
While	oth	ers	like	to	tuss	le	and	climb	up	the	trees

 

 

You can see that this verse is a little less structured which is jarring after reading the first verse. I would suggest…

 

 

	Kids	are	the	same	from	their	head	to	their	toes
Their	skin	chang	ing	shade	with	the	shape	of	their	nose
	Some	child	ren	dance	as	they	sway	with	the	breeze
While	oth	ers	like	tuss	ling	and	climb	ing	up	trees

 

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 7. I’ll be sending you a copy of my e-book “How to write Rhyme like the Experts”.

Anonymous poet No.6

FLIGHT TO JAPAN

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said this big bird can fly

When do you think we will be there?

We can’t get off in the air.

 

.

Packed like sardines in a can

In this big hibiscus van

As we wing off through the sky

Japanese staff are nearby.

.

 

 

 

 

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly
When	do	you	think	we	will	be	there
We	can’t	get	off	in	the	air
Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	this	big	hi	bis	cus	van
As	we	wing	off	through	the	sky
Ja	pan	ese	staff	are	near	by

 

 

 

I think I’ll break this one down into its rhyming couplets.

 

When I first read this I paused after ‘bump’ which threw out the second line.

 

 

This is how I read it…

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	~	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly

 

And I wanted to change the second line to…

 

Who

was

it

said

this

bird

can

fly

 

Bumpity bump; through the sky

Who was it said, this bird can fly

 

If we read it without the pause we get…

 

 

Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	this	big	bird	can	fly

 

however some people will want to stress the word ‘said’ rather than ‘who’ I know I do. I’d prefer to say…

 

Who

said

that

this

big

bird

can

fly

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

 

Next couplet…

 

When	do	you	think	we	will	be	there
We	can’t	get	off	in	the	air

 

 

So to keep with the meter I would suggest

 

	When	do	you	think	we’ll	be	there
We	can’t	dis	em	bark	in	the	air

 

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

 

Next couplet…

 

Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	this	big	hi	bis	cus	van

 

To use the word hibiscus we need to fit it here…

 

Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
		hi	bis	cus

 

So…

 

	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	can
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	se	dan

 

Hmmmm – not sure about a hibiscus sedan. Maybe try changing the first line.

 

	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	flan
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	tin	can

 

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

 

Moving on…

 

As	we	wing	off	through	the	sky
Ja	pan	ese	staff	are	near	by

 

 

 

	Soar	ing	a	round	in	the	sky
With	Jap	an	ese	staff	stand	ing	by

 

So we now have…

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

Soaring around in the sky

With Japanese staff standing by

 

 

If we now insert this into a syllable grid we get…

 

 

	Bum	pi	tiy	bump	through	the	sky
Who	said	that	this	big	bird	can	fly
	When	do	you	think	we’ll	be	there
We	can’t	dis	em	bark	in	the	air
	Packed	like	sar	dines	in	a	flan
In	side	this	hi	bis	cus	tin	can
	Soar	ing	a	round	in	the	sky
With	Ja	pan	ese	staff	stand	ing	by

 

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 6. My e-book is on its way.

Anonymous poet No. 1

The Sad Ogre

The ogre walked along his head hung down singing a song

I’m not scared I’m big and strong.

His tears fell and he sat in a pile huddled alone with no smile.

Mr. Ogre why do you cry the sand flies buzzed by.

He swatted and cursed and shooed him away

My friend said I’m too scared to play.

Play you say, scared of what? You’re big and strong like a bit steel pot

The ogre stood proud and tall his head held high as he reached up to the sky

Grabbing the sand fly he kissed his small head and said,

You made be better I’m not scared any more

Now I can play when mummy lets me out the back door.

.

So the first thing I try to identify, when I begin to edit a rhyming story or poem, is the meter. What is the rhythm? When I read this I found it extremely difficult to identify any recurring patterns in meter. Even though there are rhymes – song/strong; pile/smile; away/play; what/pot; high/sky – there is no consistent meter. So here’s what I might suggest…

.

.

The ogre walked along

his head hung down singing a song

I’m not scared I’m big and strong

.

The ogre dragged his feet along

He hung his head and sang a song

I’m not scared, I’m big and strong

.

When this is inserted into a syllable grid with the stressed syllables bolded you will be able to see a visual representation of the meter or lack thereof.

.

The	o	gre	walked	a	long
His	head	hung	down	sing	ing	a	song
~	I’m	not	scared	I’m	big	and	strong
The	o	gre	dragged	his	feet	a	long
He	hung	his	head	and	sang	a	song
~	I’m	not	scared	I’m	big	and	strong

.

You’ll see that the original begins with 3 alternating iambic feet. An iambic foot is an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed one. daDA daDA daDA

..

The next part (I’ve put it on a new line) begins with an iambic foot and is followed by four syllables that in ‘natural’ speech would normally be stressed or at least spoken with the same emphasis, neither longer nor shorter than the syllables around it and when read aloud sounds flat, tuneless.

My suggestions in green were made for the following reasons…

.

1. I’ve replaced the word ‘walked’ as this is a common verb. ‘Dragged’ is more descriptive.
2. ‘Dragged his feet’ fits the iambic pattern.
3. The last line I’ve rearranged so that the stressed and unstressed syllables form an iambic meter. I’ve not changed the meaning, just the meter.
4. The third line is fine. You’ll note that overall there is one less syllable in this line, however, where meter is concerned, it is the stressed syllables that matter, and there are still four of those.

.

This one was tricky because I felt it was closer to a free verse poem than a metrical one. There is of course no problem with this but because of the rhymes I feel that it needs to be a bit more structured and more predictable for the reader. When readers read rhyme they will expect some sort of pattern and at the moment the patterns are little too vague.

Unfortunately I am unable to edit the entire poem as I’d like to do as many different ones as I can but I hope that I have made some sense and I thank poet No 1 for sending it in. A copy of my e-book is on its way.

Sally Odgers

Sally Odgers is a prolific Australian author and poet. Please make her welcome.

.

.

What poets did you enjoy reading as a child?

.

Walter de la Mare, Masefield, Herrick, Banjo Patterson, The Perfesser and the Alter Ego, A.A. Milne, Robert Frost, Roy Campbell, Max Fatchen. Obviously, I have always enjoyed poems with strong rhythm and rhyme. I also enjoyed songs written by Paul Simon, Neil Diamond and The Moody Blues for the same reason.

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Do you remember the first poem that you ever wrote? How old were you? Can you share it with us?

.

The first I remember writing was when I was about 11. I do remember it…

.

He stands alertly, tests the air,

Then wheeling, gallops to his favourite mare

He’s tall and strong, over 16 hands;

His black mane flies in shining strands.

.

Do you write mostly in rhyme or in free verse? Do you know why?

.

Almost always in rhyme. I know why, too. I don’t find free verse interesting. I enjoy the intricate puzzle of making rhyming metrical verse work so the rhymes are never forced and there are no passenger lines. Free verse, to me, isn’t exactly cheating, but it’s much more like prose than like poetry. I can, and do, write poetic prose at times, but I don’t think of it as poetry. I sometimes write blank verse, and I suppose I do think of that as poetry, because it has meter. On the other hand, I’m not fond of strict syllable poetry. For example, I can write haiku, sonnets etc but I can’t really see the point. Rhythm is much more important to me than syllables, and I use assonance and consonance often to get the EXACT word if I can’t find a true rhyme that’s as good.

.

Are your poems best performed aloud or read quietly to oneself? Can you provide an example?

..

Many perform aloud well; as with the following example.

.

The moon is my sun, and my brethren, the stars,

My doom is begun, and by heaven, my scars

Shall cry with their stings for the scarlet revenge

And sigh as they sing in the starlit old henge.

.

And I shall sleep soundly. Eternity sighs

For the day when I die with the stars in my eyes.

.

The dark is my day, and my sisters, the clouds,

They mark me this way in the mist of a shroud,

And the death of my soul and the pain of my tears

Give breath to me wholly and stain all my years.

.

And I shall lie quiet. My grave will be still

On the day when I die. I hold faith in my will.

.

The blood is my air, and the shadow, my friend;

In mud should I care to lie fallow? Forefend!

My claws prick my palms as I weep to be free

To adore sacred psalms. Shall I keep some for thee?

..

And I shall be calm when the trumpet shall sound

For the day when I die, shall my soul be unbound.

.

The ruth of my days will be ended ‘neath grass,

In truth shall my ways be amended at last,

My link to the old life be wept from my ken

As I blink to the bold strife that swept me from men.

.

And shall I sleep soundly? Eternity sighs

For the day when I die with the stars in my eyes.

And shall I lie quiet? My grave will be still

On the day when I’m done. I hold faith in my will.

And shall I be calm when the trumpet shall sound?

On the day of my death shall my soul be unbound?

.

Oh, I shall be blessed when the dawn shall arise

For the day when I die with the sun in my eyes.

.

Some of the reversed acrostics might be difficult, since the acrostic form is visual.

The following example is an extreme form of this. It could be performed, but would lose its acrostic shape.

.

The Book of Anna

.

Twining words in honeysuckle old style,

Hillsides witness my word-requited tale,

Etudes, preludes, alluding to my ink smile-

.

The book of Anna –poet of the grail.

.

Briar roses, innocent and blushing

Overhanging my white uncharted brow

Over, lover, roving words a’hushing,

Knowing rhymes in the long-forgotten now-

.

Book of Anna – poet of believing.

.

Odes to seasons, sonnets from my life

Free verse, reversed, synonyms of leaving,

.

Of this Anna – and metaphors run rife.

.

Anthems penned in a fine soprano ringing,

Nevermore the silence of the night-

None but I need mind the rhythm winging

Ashes, roses, disposes of the light.

.

Anna – poet – B(r)ooks not black and white.

.

Flinging phrases out along the sunset,

Overreaching the syntax of today,

.

Of fun, so one, wordplay often unmet,

.

Kicking, clicking, all along the way.

Only Anna may venture to the deep end

Often swinging her dictionary’s tail,

Bringing, stringing, words both large and wee, penned,

.

Book of Anna – encrypted – cannot fail.

.

Even roses must twine about the ladder,

Hearts and thorns form poetical bouquet,

Torn, unspoken, broken, dyed with madder,

.

The Book of Anna, elliptical ballet.

.

The following pleached poem can be read aloud as the pattern is evident to the ear as well as the eye.

.

Pleached Triptych

.

Camelot

A sequined vow

In the firmament a crown

Pinned in splendor to a gown

Of visioned now

.

Arthur’s court

A sequined now

To the courtliness of age

Raised illuminated page

Of visioned vow

.

Fashioned thought.

Illumined age

To the troubadour a vow

Trailed in splendor to this now

A courtly page.

An airy stage.

.

Not so sure about the continuous rhyme poem below!

.

Circle of Faith

.

Come to the hill if you wonder

Kneel at the feet of the just

Lift blissful faces to heaven

Yet number the years in the dust

The loaf of the people you leaven

Imagine the hand of the One

Turning your face to forgiveness

And keeping your faith in the Son

Does loving the One mean you give less

To the folk who are bone of your bone?

Or is it a hope that you’re able

To face Him and beg to atone?

Join those you love at the table

And break bread with those you adore

Breaking your bonds – see them sunder

And open the heavenly door.

.

Who first published your poetry?

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I’m not sure. It may have been a magazine, or possibly Young Publications. Omnibus Books did lots of them in the 1980s, and more recently, Eternal Press.

.

Where else have your poems been published?

.

Walker Books, and a few other overseas companies. They usually seem to want to reprint my older stuff.

.

Anthologies are often places for poets to seek publication. How would you suggest a new poet find out about upcoming anthologies?

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PASS IT ON! Otherwise, word of mouth seems the best way. Usually I join by invitation, but that’s little use to new poets.

.

Have you published a collection of your own poems/story in verse/verse novel? Where would we find a copy?

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I did Myths of the Mind myself.

You can buy it at http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/myths-of-the-mind/869688

Two others are Spinning Pearls 

and Fernseed for Fairysight,

which are both available in paperback through Amazon or in e-book through the publisher, Eternal Press  http://www.eternalpress.biz

…

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What are you working on at the moment?

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The sixth in the Little Horrors series and the sixth in the Pet Vet series. Also hoping to get back to Em Cotter and Garlands of Thorn and May, which both feature snips of verse.

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Do you have a website/blog/facebook etc – where we can find out more about you?

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http://www.sallyodgers.com

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http://spinningpearls.blogspot.com and yes, I’m on Facebook.

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Do you have any favourite poetry websites?

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www.fanstory.com

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Michael Rosen

This week please welcome Michel Rosen to the blog. Thanks Michael for taking the time to answer my questions.

What poets did you enjoy reading as a child?

Before I was about 12 or 13, I’m not sure that I did really like the poetry I heard or read. But around 12 I heard Louis Macneice’s poem about the unborn child, Browning’s Last Duchess and then not long after some DH Lawrence poems like Snake, Bat, etc…I think what I was responding to was the idea of the spoken monologue.

Do you remember the first poem that you ever wrote? How old were you? Can you share it with us?

The first poem I wrote at school when I was about 10 was about a train slowing down. I can only remember one line: ‘and now the train is slowing down’ – Exciting, huh? Today in a school, we were trying to think of ways of making it more exciting: ‘and now the train is slowing down and it turned into a tomato’. or ‘and now the train is slowing doooooowwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn and uuuuuuuuuuuupppp again’.

Do you write mostly in rhyme or in free verse? Do you know why?

A mixture. Sometimes, truly ‘free verse’, sometimes rhythm but no rhyme, sometimes rhyme and not much rhythm sometimes rhythm and rhyme. It depends on what I’m trying to say

Are your poems best performed aloud or read quietly to oneself? Can you provide an example?

Again, a mixture of both.

Who first published your poetry?

Very first was BBC Schools Radio booklets that went with the radio programmes. The first book was published by ‘Andre Deutsch’. Doesn’t exist anymore. got swallowed up by Scholastic.

Where else have your poems been published?

Many different publishers. Puffin, Bloomsbury, Walker Books are the main ones

What are you working on at the moment?

Finishing off a book of poems with Puffin. Have some picture books with Walker Books just reaching completion, one of them with a poem as its text. And I’m reprinting one of my books myself. ‘Hairy Tales and Nursery Crimes’.

Do you have a website/blog/facebook etc – where we can find out more about you?

My website is http://www.michaelrosen.co.uk

and my facebook name is Michael Rosen

Do you have any favourite poetry websites?

The National Poetry Archive is pretty good.

Would you like to share one of your poems with us?

Down behind the dustbin
I met a dog called Felicity.
It’s a bit dark down here, she said
they’ve cut off my electricity

So what’s it all about?

Well mostly about writing, the ups and downs, the hints, the tips and everything else in between. I am hoping that this blog will also help me to cull my internal editor who has a nasty habit of interfering with everything I write – I’m sweating as I type, worried that I am boring everyone.

Anyway, Marianne Musgrove, author of  “Don’t Breathe a Word”, “The Worry Tree”, “Lucy the Good” & “Lucy the Lie Detector” (out 2010) wrote an article for PASS IT ON (issue 260) this week titled ‘Dealing With Your Inner Critic’.

She gives some great advice. If you don’t already subscribe to PASS IT ON – and you think you might be interested in reading Marianne’s article you can contact me via the contacts link for a copy of this week’s issue. You might also like to consider subscribing as it’s brilliant value at only $0.55/week.

Okay – I think that will do for my first post. Don’t want to bore you now.

Thanks for visiting and please do pop back soon.