Anonymous poet No.6

Standard

FLIGHT TO JAPAN

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said this big bird can fly

When do you think we will be there?

We can’t get off in the air.

 

.

Packed like sardines in a can

In this big hibiscus van

As we wing off through the sky

Japanese staff are nearby.

.

 

 

 

 

 

Bum pi tiy bump through the sky
Who said this big bird can fly  
When do you think we will be there
We can’t get off in the air  
Packed like sar dines in a can  
In this big hi bis cus van  
As we wing off through the sky  
Ja pan ese staff are near by  

 

 

 

I think I’ll break this one down into its rhyming couplets.

 

When I first read this I paused after ‘bump’ which threw out the second line.

 

 

This is how I read it…

 

Bum pi tiy bump ~ through the sky
Who said this big bird can fly  

 

And I wanted to change the second line to…

 

Who was it said this bird can fly

 

Bumpity bump; through the sky

Who was it said, this bird can fly

 

If we read it without the pause we get…

 

 

Bum pi tiy bump through the sky
Who said this big bird can fly

 

however some people will want to stress the word ‘said’ rather than ‘who’ I know I do. I’d prefer to say…

 

Who said that this big bird can fly

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

 

Next couplet…

 

When do you think we will be there
We can’t get off in the air  

 

 

So to keep with the meter I would suggest

 

When do you think we’ll be there
We can’t dis em bark in the air

 

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

 

Next couplet…

 

Packed like sar dines in a can
In this big hi bis cus van

 

To use the word hibiscus we need to fit it here…

 

Packed like sar dines in a can
    hi bis cus    

 

So…

 

Packed like sar dines in a can
In side this hi bis cus se dan

 

Hmmmm – not sure about a hibiscus sedan. Maybe try changing the first line.

 

Packed like sar dines in a flan
In side this hi bis cus tin can

 

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

 

Moving on…

 

As we wing off through the sky
Ja pan ese staff are near by

 

 

 

  Soar ing a round in the sky
With Jap an ese staff stand ing by

 

So we now have…

 

Bumpity bump through the sky

Who said that this big bird can fly?

When do you think we’ll be there?

We can’t disembark in the air

Packed like sardines in a flan

Inside this hibiscus tin can

Soaring around in the sky

With Japanese staff standing by

 

 

If we now insert this into a syllable grid we get…

 

 

  Bum pi tiy bump through the sky
Who said that this big bird can fly
  When do you think we’ll be there
We can’t dis em bark in the air
  Packed like sar dines in a flan
In side this hi bis cus tin can
  Soar ing a round in the sky
With Ja pan ese staff stand ing by

 

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 6. My e-book is on its way.

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