meter · Poetry · rhyme · rhythm · stress · Writing

Anonymous poet No. 7

Some live in houses, and some live in huts.

Some carry water and some gather nuts.

Each child is different yet all are the same.

With dreams of a future while still playing games.

 

 

.

 

Children are the same from their head to their toes

Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.

Some children dance and sway with the breeze

While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.

 

 

 

I’ll work on this is two parts.

 

 

First part…

 

 

 

  Some live in hous es and some live in huts
  Some carr y wa ter and some gath er nuts
  Each child is differ ent yet all are the same
With dreams of a fut ure while still play ing games

 

 

No problem with meter in this first verse. As you can see there is a consistent pattern – one stressed syllable and two unstressed syllables. My only comment is with line 4 where some folk will want to place a stress on the first syllable PLAYing. To avoid this possible trip up point I would suggest…

 

 

They dream of a fut ure while play ing with games

 

 

Not perfect but just trying to demonstrate that it is preferable to use word stress in its natural state as this is how the average reader will read it.

 

Also you’ll note that I’ve split the word ‘different’ into two syllables rather than three. This is because that is how most people pronounce it. Not too many say diff-er-ent – of course some will and they will trip here.

Second part…

 

 

Children are the same from their head to their toes

Just different coloured skin and shape of their nose.

Some children dance and sway with the breeze

While others like to tussle and climb up the trees.

 

 

Chil dren are the same from their head to their toes  
Just differ ent col oured skin and shape of their nose  
Some chil dren dance and sway with the breeze      
While oth ers like to tuss le and climb up the trees

 

 

You can see that this verse is a little less structured which is jarring after reading the first verse. I would suggest…

 

 

  Kids are the same from their head to their toes
Their skin chang ing shade with the shape of their nose
  Some child ren dance as they sway with the breeze
While oth ers like tuss ling and climb ing up trees

 

 

Thank you Anonymous poet No. 7. I’ll be sending you a copy of my e-book “How to write Rhyme like the Experts”.

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