meter · Poetry · rhyme · rhythm · stress · Writing

Anonymous poet No. 8

Humpty Dumpty

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When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he asked his hard-boiled mum
“Why didn’t you boil me longer,
so if I broke I wouldn’t run?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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As you can see Anonymous poet No. 8 is also a very talented illustrator.

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Inserted into a syllable grid we have…

 

 

 

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When Hump ty Dum ty was a boy
he asked his hard boiled mum
Why did n’t you boil me long er
so if I broke I would n’t run

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The first two lines read smoothly with a consistent iambic meter.

The second two, not so smooth. I would suggest…

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When Hump ty Dum ty was a boy
he told his hard boiled mum
You should have boiled me long er
Now I’m broke and on the run

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I’ve been a bit cheeky here but I couldn’t resist..

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When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
he told his hard-boiled mum
“You should have boiled me longer;
now I’m broke, and on the run!”

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Thank you Anonymous poet No. 8 please expect my e-book shortly.

6 thoughts on “Anonymous poet No. 8

  1. you changed the meaning of the illustrator’s text, is that your definition of cheeky? probably your eg(g)o more like it…

  2. Yes Paul, I suppose I did – not ego though, I was actually unable to come up with a suitable alternative, I did try for quite a while though. Do you have any suggestions?

  3. I actually really like the new line, but it is a change in meaning 🙂

    How about:
    When Humpty Dumpty was a boy
    He told his hard boiled mum
    ‘You should have boiled me longer
    If I crack my yolk will run!’

    Change in tense but if it’s dialogue I reckon you can get away with it.

    Lovely illustration and quirky verse, very nice.

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